Rebuild Life Coach

The Seven Steps to discovering what is confidence and what is self esteem and how to build confidence and self esteem the easy way!
I will help you rebuild your confidence, self esteem and show you how to focus on your dreams

Build self esteem

Become more assertive in 7 days

Five steps to greater self control

Confidence through compassion

Develop discipline

Understanding fear

Ways to increase your confidence
How to build confidence, self esteem, be more assertive and lose the shyness!

I am looking for help.
I am looking to find what problems people are facing and how they think I may be able to help.
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If you need the answer to any of the following questions I would like to chat with you!

How to be more confident and overcome shyness?
How to build and improve self-esteem?
How do I get information on gaining and building confidence?
Where do I find someone who can do life coaching online?

You may have been wrestling with some of the above problems and stopping yourself from asking anyone for help – perhaps you may think that no one would understand your problems – this is the wrong way to be thinking as there are always someone who will help.

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Are any of the following a question you would ask?

How do I become more assertive and lose my shyness?
How to be more confident and overcome shyness?
How to build and improve self-esteem?
How do I get information on gaining and building confidence?
Where do I find someone who can do life coaching online?

If you need the answer to any of the above questions you have come to the right place!



Phone 0800 458 2877 Mob: 07840 760 907

John McManus (Tom) Hornchurch Essex RM12 5RA UK

20 Ways to Increase self-confidence

20 quick and practical methods to increase your confidence:

1. Think about someone who is confident and act, talk and walk like him or her. Model their mannerisms and behaviour. It works for them; it will work for you.
2. Smile a lot more. That doesn’t mean putting a silly grin on your face! But smile when you walk down the street, when you meet people and generally be happier even if you’re not feeling that way.
3. Learn from the past; don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s gone; it’s never coming back. Instead learn from it for next time.
4. Buy yourself some new clothes, get your hair done, treat yourself to something new. It will make you feel better and will give your ego a boost.
5. Are you prepared for situations? Are you prepared enough to meet any challenge that may come up? Are you prepared for that meeting, that presentation, that job interview, when you meet someone for the first time? If not, get to it.
6. Play to your strengths. Know what you are good at and expose yourself to these opportunities at every opportunity – because you’re good at it, you’ll enjoy it and have more confidence.
7. Improve your weaknesses. Know and appreciate what these are and put a plan in place to improve them over time.
8. Learn how to say no to people. Don’t be afraid, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of. Just watch the reaction on their face after you’ve said it the first time and there will be no going back.
9. Be positive. Look on the “can do” side of things rather than the “can’t do”. You’ve accomplished lots in your life and you will accomplish lots more in the future.
Be in charge of your thoughts at all times. What is a thought? It’s just a question that you’ve asked yourself and the thought is you’re answer. If you’re thinking
10. negative thoughts, you’re probably asking a negative question. Change the questions to be more positive.
11. Whenever you feel a negative thought coming, STOP, THINK, and say is this really important in the grand scheme of things. A lot of the time it isn’t. Many people in life major in minor things!
12. Do you let the words of others affect you? Do you mind what they think of you? Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. It’s not what they say to you that’s the problem it’s what you say to yourself after they have stopped talking that’s the problem. Change the way you think.
13. List the words that you use on a consistent basis when you feel let down or annoyed. People use different words to mean the same thing and depending upon the intensity of the word – this will have an effect on your confidence. Instead of saying “I’m enraged about this” say, “I’m a little annoyed”. Make a substitute list for the words that you use. Make sure they are lower in intensity and then use them. You’ll be surprised with the results.
14. At the end of each day list your achievements and successes throughout that day.
15. Be appreciative of what you have to be thankful for in your life right now. Who do you love? Who loves you? Who do you help out?
16. Every morning when you’re in the shower, play over in your head the events in the day as though they have already happened and they were a success. Visualize all of the meetings that you had, the people you talked to, the outcomes you had. Visualize success and confidence and it will be so.
17. Improve your body language. The way that you move your body has a massive impact on your confidence levels. Move your body assertively and walk with your head up, shoulders back and as though you’ve got somewhere very important to go. Feeling low in confidence? Change you body language
18. Emotion is created by motion. As in 17, make sure you move around consistently. This creates energy and gets the blood pumping around you body – it makes you feel better and more confident.
19. Learn to brag about yourself. Yes, you heard me! Talk about your achievements and successes more than you currently are.
20. And finally – You only live once, so any time that you are down just ask yourself in 10 or 20 years time – will what I am worrying about really matter?

Understanding Fear

Fear!

Fear has a purpose. It helps keep us safe, keeps
us from taking too dangerous risks. For too many
people though, the power of fear keeps them from
improving their lives. In order to become
self-confident you must believe you can try to
change and succeed. Facing your fear is essential
to living the life you most want to lead.
Pinpointing your fears
Being afraid is a pretty intense emotion. The
first time we feel it we might not even know why.
Strangely enough, it is not always the fear of
failure that forces and grabs a hold. Sometimes it
is the fear of success that takes the driver’s
seat.
To understand how to defeat your fear, you must
understand its motivation.
What do you have to lose?
Dylan played drums for a popular indie band for
nearly ten years before they got a deal. Instead
of being elated, every time he thought about
signing the new record he started to sweat. The
option to quit the band crossed several times
before he pulled himself together.
The worst that could happen in Dylan’s case was
winding up on the road, where he’d been before, in
a van with guys that he usually liked playing
music he loved. There was the threat of their
songs being tweaked, winding up in debt, and other
things he was already dealing with.
Surprisingly it wasn’t the criticism either. As an
experienced musician, he’d heard his share of
hisses and boos. When he really thought about it,
Dylan was most worried about how he would handle
the success of a major musician.
What do I have to Win?
Many times people can easily list the benefits to
the situations they’re headed into. It’s what they
don’t know that’s so frightening. “What will
happen if I leave my husband?” “What will happen
once we’re married?” “How will this baby change my
life?”
Fear can paralyze your ability to make decisions.
When that happens, it’s time to survey your
options.
The world is full of resources where possible
outcomes can be rehashed and researched. Talk to
other newlyweds and divorcees. Check out parenting
TV shows, books and message boards.
Don’t be afraid to use your personal resources. If
a friend or neighbour has gone through something
similar, talk to that person. There’s no
substitute for having been there.
Once you understand what kinds of consequences
you’re facing, it’s much easier to prepare for
them.

Develop discipline

Discipline!

We live in a world where instant gratification is demanded and self discipline is less and less practised. Without self discipline you will find it very hard to shake off the habit of procrastination. When discipline becomes a habit it is an essential tool for regulating your life and keeping ones self out of trouble. Promise yourself to do this every day.
With lack of discipline we find we are reluctant to take responsibility for our life (our actions), we do the easy and most short term rewarding things first, we don’t accept the reality of our situation (in life) and we can’t judge the long term effects of our actions or lack of action – in other words, we “go with the flow”
“Going with the flow” is easy but when you are going with the flow you are going downhill!.
Good discipline means getting out of bed when the alarm goes off, going to work every day and doing the jobs that you dislike most,- first – getting them out of the way and letting yourself enjoy the more pleasant jobs or activities for the rest of the day. This called postponing gratification.
When we accept responsibility for our actions or lack of action and accept the consequences we are showing discipline and will gain creditability and respect beyond our expectations.
People who hide behind excuses and continually duck out of their responsibilities are never able to gain the respect or love of their colleagues.
When you go on a diet or stop smoking it takes discipline to stick with it till you get the results that you want.
The best way to build this discipline is to take small steps one at a time, towards your goal – one step now and practise it for two weeks and then take the next step and so on.
One step at a time is always a great way to anything, especially if it is a difficult task like building a new (good) habit or getting rid of an old bad one.
Discipline is an essential habit to cultivate if you are trying to recover from any addictive disease like alcoholism or drug addiction.
You notice that I called those addictions “disease’s” – I truly believe that they are disease’s because they affect the body and the mind.
Discipline should be practised in many ways to help combat addiction, like getting up in the morning, getting washed and dressed, making your self presentable thereby taking a small step to building your self esteem.
Taking some action each day to fill up your day with useful activities – anything to take your mind off the feelings of depression that goes with addiction is essential.
For people who have no addiction, but just can’t find their “get up and go” – in other words suffer from procrastination, discipline is important if they want to succeed in life.
It is necessary to plan your life (set your goals etc) and do at least one action of your plan each day

Confidence through compassion

Build The Confidence To Approach Other People,
Through The Power Of Compassion!

Do you often feel uncomfortable in a social situation? Perhaps you’re overly shy? Or your stomach ties up in knots at the thought of approaching someone even just to say “Hi!”
Well the good news is that there are many techniques which you can use to help you overcome this problem of social shyness or anxiety. I’m going to share one of my favorites below. But first, three important points that need to be highlighted (so imagine them covered by ink from a bright yellow fluoro highlighter pen)
1. Don’t expect to get the confidence of Tony Robbins in one day. All changes happen in small steps. Make an effort to stretch yourself just a little bit further every day. And celebrate your victories, no matter how small they are. Those small victories will over time grow into a massive change in your confidence.
2. The best way to overcome a fear is to face it and succeed. What I’m presenting today is one way to build the courage to face your fear. What you need to do though is not only use it, but also search out a whole host of other techniques as well. And use them! Different techniques may be more appropriate for different situations. We’ll of course be talking about many of the other techniques in future articles.
3. As always, if your social shyness or anxiety is causing difficulties in your life, please consider talking to a doctor or a coach. They will be able to expand on this strategy, and provide you with many more. They really can help.
So, as promised, here’s one of my favorite techniques for helping you feel more confident as you approach other people in a social situation.
You will be tapping into one of the greatest powers you have within you. More powerful than all the fear you may currently feel.
That power is compassion.
In many of us though it lies asleep, a luxury we feel we can’t afford just yet. Maybe something we’ll get around to exploring when we get over our problems and start feeling happy about ourselves. After all, how can we be compassionate towards others when we don’t even feel good about ourselves?
Is that what you think?
Well, I think we’re better served by looking at things from a different perspective. One that sees compassion not only as a tool for helping others, but also for helping ourselves.
So, how do we use compassion in this situation?
SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AS BEING JUST LIKE YOU!
They are human. Somewhere within them they have fears too. Their fears may not be visible to you on the surface, but they’re there. We are all human.
We all desire human contact!
We all desire friendship!
We all desire to be loved!
So before approaching someone, remind yourself that they too may have difficulties making the first move. They may be waiting for someone to talk to about their problems and their issues. They may be waiting for someone just like you, who can understand them and their own fears. Someone just like you, with a heart filled with compassion and love. And perhaps in time, if a friendship develops, you can help them with their own fears.
Why does this work? Simply because it takes the focus off you, and places it onto the other person. How can you help them? How can you be their friend in a time of need?
Of course, don’t approach them with these questions directly. It would not be appropriate in most social situations, especially if you don’t know the person yet. Just approach them with this understanding, that they’re just like you. They too are human. Make conversation. Talk about them, and their interests. Many times this may lead nowhere. Sometimes though, it could develop into one of the best friendships of your life.
They’re just like you. So there’s no need to be afraid. They also want someone to talk to. Help them!
You can let your shyness or anxiety be a source of fear within yourself, or you can let it build your compassion towards others who are also facing their own demons. Choose compassion! In return, you will also be helping yourself overcome your own fears, one conversation at a time.

Five steps to greater self control

It takes self-control in order to reach your goals. You increase it the same way you beef up your self-confidence, by mastering smaller steps one at a time, and building up trust in yourself.
Step One: Making the Commitment
You’ll find your goals are easier to reach once you can focus on them in your mind. What exactly do you want to do? What – exactly – are the steps needed to take you there?
It’s easy to say you want to live a healthier life, but you won’t accomplish anything by trying to cover everything at once. Look at your current abilities, and what you’re able to tackle right now. Using your strengths, how can reach your overall goal? Eating more Vegetables? Cutting down on smoking? Exercising with friends?
Pin down your goal and focus your efforts on taking manageable steps in that direction.
Step Two: Put it in Writing
Making a commitment is a lot like making a map. It’s easier to follow your decisions when you’ve laid them down on paper.
When you can see your plan, when you have a chance to check items off one by one, you feel powerful and in control of your situation. Writing things down strengthens you focus, and gives you a reminder of what you have to work on.
Step Three: Kick into Action
Start once you make your commitment. If you wait for the next day, or the next week, or after the holidays, etc you will keep coming up with reasons to avoid starting at all. Worse, you’ll find reasons to stop midstream.
If you find yourself tempted, it may be a sign that your baby steps aren’t small enough. “Never drinking soda pop ever again” may work for someone who drinks a very small amount, but for someone who lives on carbonation, it’s not realistic.
Remember, self-confident people honor their abilities and know their limitations. They don’t set themselves up for fairly. Be good to your spirit by setting goals that won’t drag you off-course.
Step Four: Let the Daydreams Begin
Motivation fuels your efforts. Daydreams fuel your motivation.
Take some time today to imagine your success. See yourself drinking bottled water, or chewing on gum instead of taking a drag. Envision your thinner thighs or sparkling white teeth. Most importantly, see yourself smiling.
While visualizing the life you want to lead is a powerful tool in building confidence, you can also use visualization techniques to fight off negative thinking.
The next time stresses come to call, close your eyes for a moment and breathe deeply. Imagine yourself walking into a blooming garden. Stop in front of a rose bush, littered with vibrant blooms and wilting ones. Put on your garden gloves, and pick up your shears, then stop to smell the roses. With every sniff of a vibrant bloom, here the whispering positive messages in your mind. “You can do this.” “You will reach your goals.” “You deserve your success.”
The wilted blooms have an acrid smell, and whisper negative comments. Snip them off the bush before they have their whole say, but them in your basket and once back in your office, throw them away.
Step Five: Celebrate Your Success
However little they may be, make a display when your plans reach fruition. It takes focus, commitment, and effort to make even the smallest baby step turn out. Take a moment to feel proud of yourself and realize that improving your life isn’t so tough.
You may even want to reward yourself when you reach certain milestones, but be careful. You want to make progress for yourself, not for the latest CD or a new watch.
Sticking to your goals isn’t so much about willpower as it is making your choices realistic, and aligning your actions with your overall purpose. Be forgiving, hopefully, and celebrate your successes. Soon you’ll be living the life that you want, and you’ll have the trust that you need to meet future obstacles head on.