Understanding Fear

Fear!

Fear has a purpose. It helps keep us safe, keeps
us from taking too dangerous risks. For too many
people though, the power of fear keeps them from
improving their lives. In order to become
self-confident you must believe you can try to
change and succeed. Facing your fear is essential
to living the life you most want to lead.
Pinpointing your fears
Being afraid is a pretty intense emotion. The
first time we feel it we might not even know why.
Strangely enough, it is not always the fear of
failure that forces and grabs a hold. Sometimes it
is the fear of success that takes the driver’s
seat.
To understand how to defeat your fear, you must
understand its motivation.
What do you have to lose?
Dylan played drums for a popular indie band for
nearly ten years before they got a deal. Instead
of being elated, every time he thought about
signing the new record he started to sweat. The
option to quit the band crossed several times
before he pulled himself together.
The worst that could happen in Dylan’s case was
winding up on the road, where he’d been before, in
a van with guys that he usually liked playing
music he loved. There was the threat of their
songs being tweaked, winding up in debt, and other
things he was already dealing with.
Surprisingly it wasn’t the criticism either. As an
experienced musician, he’d heard his share of
hisses and boos. When he really thought about it,
Dylan was most worried about how he would handle
the success of a major musician.
What do I have to Win?
Many times people can easily list the benefits to
the situations they’re headed into. It’s what they
don’t know that’s so frightening. “What will
happen if I leave my husband?” “What will happen
once we’re married?” “How will this baby change my
life?”
Fear can paralyze your ability to make decisions.
When that happens, it’s time to survey your
options.
The world is full of resources where possible
outcomes can be rehashed and researched. Talk to
other newlyweds and divorcees. Check out parenting
TV shows, books and message boards.
Don’t be afraid to use your personal resources. If
a friend or neighbour has gone through something
similar, talk to that person. There’s no
substitute for having been there.
Once you understand what kinds of consequences
you’re facing, it’s much easier to prepare for
them.